About Me and this Blog

2018 Update

I am now 34, still a single mother, and the spawn is now 14. Oh, and I got that Ph.D, a house, a better job! Much remains the same except, I have now embraced the singleness. Hopefully, I can provide some comedic reflections on single parenting in the teen years.


2011 Me
So this blog is my official attempt at some self-help. As you've probably guessed this blog is going to touch on both the trials and tribulations of motherhood and what appears to be my hopelessly single status. Before all of that however, a little bit about myself, let's start with the most salient societal label most commonly affixed to me: Single Mom. Now if I  had to describe myself, I would go with highly successful and independent 26 year old mother of a bright and beautiful 6 year old daughter working on finishing her PhD in the Baltimore Metro area but after 2 years of attempting to date and failing miserably, the defining adjective of my life has increasingly become single. As a matter of fact, just yesterday my mother offered me some parenting advice that went like this, "You know, you should really work on bonding with your daughter because from your recent attempts at dating, it's looking like it might just be you and her for the long run." First of all, "Thanks for the support Mom" and secondly I know what you all are thinking that I am putting dating before parenting, but this is simply not the case. As a single-parent, and when I say single I mean single, there is no other parent, it is her and I, 24/7 save when I am at work, which I like to refer to as "paid vacation," in a one-bedroom apartment. I recently joked with a colleague that I can't get any "me time" from daughter even in my dreams, because yes, she is in the same bedroom. I am sure your next thought is, get out and socialize. I can assure you, this has been attempted throughout the past 2 years of being single and for this upcoming weekend and that when I find myself sitting on the couch by myself with a glass of wine on a Friday and Saturday night it is the weekly, I mean daily, sign of defeat. Herein lies the problem, all of my girlfriends from high school, including the single moms, have somehow managed to find marital or relationship bliss in the past two years, while I can't seem to get a guy to seriously consider me. I'm told it's because I am too successful and these men feel like they have nothing to offer or can't measure up. This problem is also starting to extend to my circle of guy friends. Just last week a good guy friend of mine came over to say good-bye before his upcoming arranged marriage: "My response, I am happy but feel betrayed that you of all people have left me the last one standing," actually, I'm not standing but sitting on the couch with my glass of wine. So to be honest, I am not always alone but there are simply no prospective dates, because I have even asked my insanely happy friends to introduce me to people they know but they reply they don't know anyone single, they are all married or they're gay, which means that typical socialization goes something like this: Option A: I am either the 3rd wheel and their husband is trying to have an affair with me or Option B: at larger gatherings I am the only single person in the room and have nothing in common with anyone to talk about because the topic always seems to go back to their blissful marital status or what marvelous thing their boyfriend/husband did that day or the upcoming date night/family vacation or the dreaded church or Mom's Club. All the while, I sit there thinking, do they really need to tell me about this because I saw your Facebook status, and yes I know your man is amazing. It is like my life is all thirteen segments of "Imaginary Bitches" rolled into one, save the lesbian identity crisis. Well almost save the lesbian identity crisis because it has been suggested by many that maybe I should try women but I am simply not interested. And yes, because there is always an Option C, here it is: Hangout with my lingering but slowly dwindling pool of 30-something single guy friends. Now this option can be entertaining at times, they always bring good wine, I may even daydream that they could be perspective long-term partners but that bubble always pops and the reality is that at the age of 30, these specimens are single for a reason and me as the Single Mom are their prospective "friend with benefits." For example, the best specimen was the one that actually had a girlfriend on the side, unbeknown to me, until yes I did some private investigating work and had a "come to Jesus talk" with him earlier this year. This of course is after him stringing me along for oh I don't know an entire year and then attempting to sabotage my prospects with Specimen #2. Specimen #2 is not much better, perhaps this has something to do with the fact that yes, at nearly 30 he is still hanging out with the fraternity. Oh and did I mention that both specimens still live in their parents' basements. Now like Specimen #1, Specimen #2 also talked a good game but when it came time for commitment dropped the classic, "You're an amazing woman but you would be settling with me," but we can be friends with benefits. Looking back, I know he is right but the point of this entire diversion is that I should really get this one-liner on recording, because it is the most common line that I have heard in the past two years and I would really like to just hit play and save all of them the vocal effort when the dreaded commitment conversation arises. Oh and did I mention I'm a feminista, I guess this doesn't help either. Now you may think that I am depressed but the fact of the matter is, I am far from it. At the age of 26, I am a successful PhD candidate, survivor of domestic violence (2x), a great mother (most days), and a very good friend to many. In fact, looking back, I am starting to find all of this very comical, hence the blog and hence my decision to share this most ridiculous adventure as I make yet another attempt to do the single mom dating thing. Wish me luck and enjoy :)